Day 3- self sabotage

I fell.  Fast and hard. I’m not even sure why.  It started with the fudge square I had resisted on the return Dallas trip.  Then I needed a sandwich as I sought out protein,  then on to finish off the ice cream. Then the chocolate Christmas trees became irresistible.   Was I craving energy from the lack of sleep of waking up to a sick and feverish son? Maybe it was the white bread,  i read somewhere it can cause a craving for sweets. Was it that I was frustrated I couldn’t ever get in a run as I kept watch over my son’s fever that seemed to return on the hour? Maybe it’s because it’s my time of the month?  Or maybe,  I can find any excuse so long as I choose to look for one.  I couldn’t go 2 days,  how can I go a lifetime?  I feel like a failure,  like I suck,  like I will never get out of my own way.  That was yesterday,  today is new, I get another chance to begin again.

Take 2.

I may be down,  but I’m not out

I just need time to settle the score

You knocked me down,  but u haven’t won

I’ve come back fighting for more.

I knew it wouldn’t be easy

But damn u know just how to bring me down.

You know my weakness and my hurts

And just how to make me drown.

But that last gasp wasn’t my last

As I come back struggling for breath

You may have pinned me to the mat

But I refuse to give up or relent.

Round one to u, crippling despair,

For bringing me to my knees

But I must crawl before I can stand

The next round will be my victory.

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